I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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