Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
