It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
