her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
