tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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