he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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