Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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