I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
