I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
