i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
