Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
