It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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