I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
