I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
