I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
