It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
