Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize