she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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