I want to have your abortion
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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