sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
