Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
