Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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