somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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