Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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