I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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