first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
one two three fourrrrnication!
just tell him i said nine months
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
