i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He shit in the fireplace
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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