I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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