Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I have post one night stand depression
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