Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
