i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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