i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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