Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
you never un-have a 4some
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
