If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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