If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
