Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
