Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
