when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
