85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The feeling are messing with the penis
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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