Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
