I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
