you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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