i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We are two peas in an std pod
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
