yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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