I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
