Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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