Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
