Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize