JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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