Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
