Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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