He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
