im drinking this country out of the recession.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
