Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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