I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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