My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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