If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
