Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
