So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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