today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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