he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
