Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
