I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
