im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The power of my boobs compel you
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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