I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
