five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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