Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
