we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Never joke about your clitoris.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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