my mouth tastes like poor choices
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
