if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
