Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize