when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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