I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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