I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize