My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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