is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
