get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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