apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I will be naked everywhere
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
